Your Choice, Even When The Answer Is No

Your Choice, Even When The Answer Is No

April 2016
I’m graduating in a little over a week. The last few months I’ve come to realize how much of a choice, or how little, I have in certain matters.
Graduation has been heavy on my mind for months. Last semester I looked forward to it with excitement. I lit up at the thought of not having to pay tuition, moving to a new place, starting a new job, finally using my skills instead of sitting in a classroom all day. When I thought of graduation I pictured myself as Bilbo Baggins, rushing through the Shire chasing after ponies and yelling “I’m off on another adventure.”

Senior Project Poster

Presenting my senior project poster, which showcased the work I did designing a website that semester.

Then my last semester of college hit. There were classes to finish, absolutely no motivation to finish them, graduation packets to fill-out, announcements to make, parties to plan, resumes to polish, pant suits to brush off, confidence to grow, interviews to nail, and jobs to be had. I became obsessed. If I wasn’t in class or working, I was job hunting. I applied to multiple jobs daily.

I was blessed to get interviews, but they didn’t seem to go farther than that. I still held onto hope, telling myself that something better was coming along. I was sure that my preparation, hard work, and determination were enough to ensure I would graduate with a job, a new place, a new plan, a new adventure.

Well, here I am. So close to graduation, and so far from a job. This semester I have applied for at least 50 jobs, had close to 20 interviews, and still I haven’t found the right fit. I began to feel like I had less and less of a choice in my future, that no matter how hard I tried I really couldn’t ensure the path my life would go. I didn’t really like that thought, not one bit.

Today I got to reflect on that a little bit further as I received more “thanks for applying, but no” letters from potential future employers. That was the last straw. I finally swallowed my pride and accepted I was graduating without a job. This led me to reflect on the fact that my life forward has absolutely no plan, whatsoever, at all, nada, nope, not even close.

The more reflecting I’ve done however, I’ve come to realize that we always have a choice. Let me repeat we have a choice, even when the answer is no.

I have the choice to reflect on my interviews, learn from the good and the bad and prepare for the next one. I have the choice to realize I don’t have to apply for every job that even remotely applies to my degree- I can be selective and wait for the one that will be a good fit for me and the company. I have the choice to see that each experience I’ve had is helping me to learn what I do and don’t want in a future employer. I have a choice to realize I’m getting the opportunity to see some amazing companies, and I remember them as I continue to look for a position that will fit. I have a choice to reflect and honestly say “you know, it’s okay. It didn’t feel like the right fit either.” I have the choice to put my value and worth as a human being in more than having a job right after I graduate. I have the choice to celebrate the fact that I’m graduating with a double BS degree in Agricultural Communication and Journalism-something I at times doubted I would be able to do. I have the choice to study faith in the scriptures, conference talks, and church discussions. I have the choice to prayerfully grow closer to God as I plead with him to make my pathway clear.

I have the choice to realize that maybe that’s what he is doing.

I don’t think it’s human nature to like being told no, not even when it’s good for us. I’ve started to put a greater effort into not obsessing over the no, or the dream that will never be fulfilled, but on the silver lining.

I’m trying to trust when God says no, that it means there’s a better yes in the future. I’m trusting that he knows the bigger picture, and knows me better than I know myself.

I’m trusting that not having a job means I’ll get to learn how to have hobbies again (yes, all you fellow grads know the phenomenon of realizing that the past 4 years you forgot how to have hobbies.) I’ll be able to read books that have been sitting neglected on my shelf. I’ll be able to hike, evaluate myself and my goals, and set new goals for the future. I’ll be able to spend time with my dad, and take a deep breath after a year of life-changing circumstances. Mostly, I’m realizing that I’ll be able to move forward, still searching for a job, still praying, still reading my scriptures, still studying faith, and still trusting that God has a plan for me, it is in motion, and there are good things to come.

It’s Been Three Years

[et_pb_section admin_label="Section" fullwidth="on" specialty="off"][et_pb_fullwidth_post_title admin_label="Post_Title" global_module="142" saved_tabs="all" title="on" meta="on" author="on" date="off" categories="on" comments="off" featured_image="on" featured_placement="background" parallax_effect="on" parallax_method="on" text_orientation="center" text_color="light" text_background="on" text_bg_color="rgba(87,90,94,0.59)" module_bg_color="rgba(255,255,255,0)" title_font="Montserrat|||on|" title_font_size="30" title_text_color="#ffffff" title_all_caps="off" meta_font="Lora||||" meta_text_color="#d9d8c7" use_border_color="off" border_color="#ffffff" border_style="solid"] [/et_pb_fullwidth_post_title][/et_pb_section][et_pb_section admin_label="Section" fullwidth="off" specialty="off"][et_pb_row admin_label="Row"][et_pb_column type="1_4"][et_pb_number_counter admin_label="Number Counter" number="11" percent_sign="off" counter_color="#b54c60" background_layout="light" use_border_color="off" border_color="#ffffff" border_style="solid" number_font="Lora||||"] [/et_pb_number_counter][et_pb_divider admin_label="Divider" color="#575a5e" show_divider="on" height="3" divider_style="solid" divider_position="top" hide_on_mobile="on"] [/et_pb_divider][et_pb_text admin_label="Text" background_layout="light" text_orientation="center" header_font="Montserrat|||on|" header_font_size="42px" use_border_color="off" border_color="#ffffff" border_style="solid" text_font="Montserrat|||on|" text_font_size="30"] August 2018 [/et_pb_text][/et_pb_column][et_pb_column type="3_4"][et_pb_text admin_label="Text" background_layout="light" text_orientation="left" use_border_color="off" border_color="#ffffff" border_style="solid"] [/et_pb_text][/et_pb_column][/et_pb_row][et_pb_row admin_label="Row"][et_pb_column type="4_4"][et_pb_text admin_label="Text" background_layout="light" text_orientation="left" use_border_color="off" border_color="#ffffff" border_style="solid"] Dear Mom, It's been three years, and by some divine miracle, I have realized I'm happy again. I think of you often mom, I always will. Lately I've been thinking about what I've learned the last 3 years. I know you have people that need you, you always have, but can you stay long enough for me to tell you about them? I give all credit to God, and I am thankful beyond words. 1- God really does want us to be happy, even after he asks us to do hard things for him. I'm not talking just existing with a few pleasant experiences happy, but bubbling over to the brim with joy. 2- God puts people in our paths exactly when we need them. I can't even begin to tell you the people I've met mom, although I'm sure you already know--maybe even had a hand in my meeting them? Thank you then, because they've all been the sweetest blessing. 3- Time heals wounds we can't heal ourselves. I honestly didn't know if I would ever get my innocence -- , the freedom to be joyful, my easy smile and sparkling eyes -- all of that pure happiness back. You left a hole mom, and it was pretty dang impossible to fill. I think it wasn't mine to fill in the first place. Maybe God needed me to quit trying so hard and just let it be so he could slowly fill it as I was ready? 4-Life can be so much fun. Nothing has gone the way I planned it to go mom, but I am so glad it didn't!  I love my families: my work family, my ward family, my Orem family, my blood family, all of it. Maybe I'll quit making so many plans, God's always include more fun anyways. 5- The Gospel is true and it is oh so good. Thank you mom, for raising me the way you did. Thank you for patiently loving me when I was such a bratty teenager, and letting me find my testimony on my time and terms. This is the greatest gift you could have given me, the beginning of my knowledge of the Gospel and God's love for everyone. 6- Moving on doesn't mean forgetting, masking, pushing it aside, letting go, or brushing it under the rug. Moving on means moving forward with it, recognizing the pain when it is there but also recognizing the joy that comes right along with it. This life is so good mom, I feel so blessed to still be here to live it. I want to help them mom, the others. The 19-year-old kids who are scared out of their minds, realizing for the first time in their lives their parents are mortal. I want to help the 30-year-old adults, with kids of their own, wondering how on earth they can be a happy parent when they are forced to lose one of their one. And mom, oh mom, I want to help the little ones too. I want to help the young kids, the ones whose smiles will be a little too strained a little too early. I want them to know they can have their youth, their innocence, their energy back. I'm just not quite sure how I'm supposed to do all of that. The sunflowers are out mom, they're beautiful like always. They still remind me of you, every single time. I tell other people mom, about how happy they are and if a flower could give hugs, a sunflower would. I love you mom. I'll see you again sometime, but for now I've got a whole big life ahead of me, and I am happy I get to live it. Love, Lindsey [/et_pb_text][/et_pb_column][/et_pb_row][et_pb_row admin_label="Row" global_module="3581" make_fullwidth="on" use_custom_width="off" width_unit="on" use_custom_gutter="off" padding_mobile="off" allow_player_pause="off" parallax="off" parallax_method="off" make_equal="off" parallax_1="off" parallax_method_1="off" parallax_2="off" parallax_method_2="off" parallax_3="off" parallax_method_3="off" column_padding_mobile="on" custom_padding="25px|25px|25px|25px"][et_pb_column type="1_3"][et_pb_post_slider global_parent="3581" admin_label="Post Slider" posts_number="3" include_categories="7" orderby="rand" show_arrows="on" show_pagination="on" show_more_button="on" more_text="Read Me" content_source="off" use_manual_excerpt="on" show_meta="off" background_image="http://understandinglindsey.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/11/Jan_Erik_Wader.jpg" background_layout="dark" show_image="on" image_placement="background" parallax="on" parallax_method="off" use_bg_overlay="off" bg_overlay_color="rgba(87,90,94,0.59)" use_text_overlay="on" remove_inner_shadow="off" background_position="default" background_size="default" auto="off" auto_ignore_hover="off" hide_content_on_mobile="off" hide_cta_on_mobile="off" show_image_video_mobile="off" meta_letter_spacing="0" custom_button="off" button_letter_spacing="0" button_use_icon="default" button_icon_placement="right" button_on_hover="on" button_letter_spacing_hover="0" body_font_size="20" text_overlay_color="rgba(87,90,94,0.59)"] [/et_pb_post_slider][/et_pb_column][et_pb_column type="1_3"][et_pb_post_slider global_parent="3581" admin_label="Post Slider" posts_number="3" include_categories="8,6" orderby="rand" show_arrows="on" show_pagination="on" show_more_button="on" more_text="Read Me" content_source="off" use_manual_excerpt="on" show_meta="off" background_image="http://understandinglindsey.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/11/Jan_Erik_Wader.jpg" background_layout="dark" show_image="on" image_placement="background" parallax="on" parallax_method="off" use_bg_overlay="off" bg_overlay_color="rgba(217,216,199,0.73)" use_text_overlay="on" remove_inner_shadow="off" background_position="default" background_size="default" auto="off" auto_ignore_hover="off" hide_content_on_mobile="off" hide_cta_on_mobile="off" show_image_video_mobile="off" meta_letter_spacing="0" custom_button="off" button_letter_spacing="0" button_use_icon="default" button_icon_placement="right" button_on_hover="on" button_letter_spacing_hover="0" body_font_size="20" text_overlay_color="rgba(87,90,94,0.59)"] [/et_pb_post_slider][/et_pb_column][et_pb_column type="1_3"][et_pb_post_slider global_parent="3581" admin_label="Post Slider" posts_number="3" include_categories="9" orderby="rand" show_arrows="on" show_pagination="on" show_more_button="on" more_text="Read Me" content_source="off" use_manual_excerpt="on" show_meta="off" background_image="http://understandinglindsey.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/11/Jan_Erik_Wader.jpg" background_layout="dark" show_image="on" image_placement="background" parallax="on" parallax_method="off" use_bg_overlay="off" bg_overlay_color="rgba(217,216,199,0.73)" use_text_overlay="on" remove_inner_shadow="off" background_position="default" background_size="default" auto="off" auto_ignore_hover="off" hide_content_on_mobile="off" hide_cta_on_mobile="off" show_image_video_mobile="off" meta_letter_spacing="0" custom_button="off" button_letter_spacing="0" button_use_icon="default" button_icon_placement="right" button_on_hover="on" button_letter_spacing_hover="0" body_font_size="20" text_overlay_color="rgba(87,90,94,0.59)"] [/et_pb_post_slider][/et_pb_column][/et_pb_row][/et_pb_section][et_pb_section admin_label="section"][et_pb_row admin_label="row"][et_pb_column type="4_4"][et_pb_text admin_label="Text" background_layout="light" text_orientation="left" use_border_color="off" border_color="#ffffff" border_style="solid"] [/et_pb_text][/et_pb_column][/et_pb_row][/et_pb_section]
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A Pinch of Patience

When God made me, I think his hand slipped with his bottle of 'ground temper' and he ran out of 'extract of patience.' For instance, I have recently noticed I have a severe case of road rage. No, it's seriously going to get me shot one day.
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Did God Kill My Mother? Loving God Through The Pain Of Mortality

I stood at the pulpit of my parent's home ward, staring into a sea of people and seeing only a few faces. I was the last speaker for my mom's funeral service, something I actually took joy in. Two weeks later I attended church services at my student Young Single Adult ward. I was broken, hurt, confused, scared out of my mind, and feeling cut off.
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Gluten Free Pad Thai

[et_pb_section admin_label="Section" fullwidth="on" specialty="off"][et_pb_fullwidth_post_title admin_label="Post_Title" global_module="142" saved_tabs="all" title="on" meta="on" author="off" date="off" categories="off" comments="off" featured_image="on" featured_placement="background" parallax_effect="on" parallax_method="on" text_orientation="center" text_color="light" text_background="on" text_bg_color="rgba(87,90,94,0.59)" module_bg_color="rgba(255,255,255,0)" title_font="Montserrat|||on|" title_font_size="30" title_text_color="#ffffff" title_all_caps="off" meta_font="Lora||||" meta_text_color="#d9d8c7" use_border_color="off" border_color="#ffffff" border_style="solid"] [/et_pb_fullwidth_post_title][/et_pb_section][et_pb_section admin_label="Section" fullwidth="off" specialty="off"][et_pb_row admin_label="Row"][et_pb_column type="1_4"][et_pb_number_counter admin_label="Number Counter" number="27" percent_sign="off" counter_color="#b54c60" background_layout="light" use_border_color="off" border_color="#ffffff" border_style="solid" number_font="Lora||||"] [/et_pb_number_counter][et_pb_divider admin_label="Divider" color="#575a5e" show_divider="on" height="3" divider_style="solid" divider_position="top" hide_on_mobile="on"] [/et_pb_divider][et_pb_text admin_label="Text" background_layout="light" text_orientation="center" header_font="Montserrat|||on|" header_font_size="42px" use_border_color="off" border_color="#ffffff" border_style="solid" text_font="Montserrat|||on|" text_font_size="30"] December 2016 [/et_pb_text][/et_pb_column][et_pb_column type="3_4"][et_pb_text admin_label="Text" background_layout="light" text_orientation="left" use_border_color="off" border_color="#ffffff" border_style="solid"] Prep/Cook Time: 30 minutes What You Need:
  • Gluten Free Pad Thai or Rice Stir-Fry Noodles
  • San-J Gluten Free Sweet & Tangy or Orange Sauce
  • Sesame Seeds
  • Assorted Veggies (I like to use broccoli slaw, snap peas, water chestnuts and cole slaw)
  • Dash of Garlic Powder
  • *Protein option: 1 egg
  • 2 cups water
  [/et_pb_text][/et_pb_column][/et_pb_row][et_pb_row admin_label="Row" make_fullwidth="off" use_custom_width="off" width_unit="on" use_custom_gutter="off" padding_mobile="off" disabled="off" disabled_on="on|on|off" allow_player_pause="off" parallax="off" parallax_method="off" make_equal="off" parallax_1="off" parallax_method_1="off" parallax_2="off" parallax_method_2="off" parallax_3="off" parallax_method_3="off" column_padding_mobile="on"][et_pb_column type="1_3"][et_pb_image admin_label="Image" src="http://understandinglindsey.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/12/DSC_0005.jpg" show_in_lightbox="off" url_new_window="off" use_overlay="off" animation="left" sticky="off" align="center" force_fullwidth="off" always_center_on_mobile="on" use_border_color="off" border_color="#ffffff" border_style="solid"] [/et_pb_image][/et_pb_column][et_pb_column type="1_3"][et_pb_image admin_label="Image" src="http://understandinglindsey.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/12/DSC_0001.jpg" show_in_lightbox="off" url_new_window="off" use_overlay="off" animation="left" sticky="off" align="center" force_fullwidth="off" always_center_on_mobile="on" use_border_color="off" border_color="#ffffff" border_style="solid"] [/et_pb_image][/et_pb_column][et_pb_column type="1_3"][et_pb_image admin_label="Image" src="http://understandinglindsey.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/12/DSC_0004.jpg" show_in_lightbox="off" url_new_window="off" use_overlay="off" animation="left" sticky="off" align="center" force_fullwidth="off" always_center_on_mobile="on" use_border_color="off" border_color="#ffffff" border_style="solid"] [/et_pb_image][/et_pb_column][/et_pb_row][et_pb_row admin_label="Row"][et_pb_column type="4_4"][et_pb_text admin_label="Text" background_layout="light" text_orientation="left" use_border_color="off" border_color="#ffffff" border_style="solid"] In a large skillet bring the 2 cups water to boil and add your rice noodles, veggies, sesame seeds (to taste), a dash of garlic powder, and drizzle with your sauce. Cover with a lid and cook on medium heat for about 5 minutes or until noodles are tender. Don't forget to stir noodles occasionally and add water as needed. When your noodles are soft, cover with a lid and let them cool for 1 minute. Add additional sauce as needed and salt and pepper to taste. *If you wanted the protein option, simply scramble the egg in a separate pan and add in at the end. These are best served hot, but do reheat as leftovers fairly well with the noodles keeping their texture consistently. [/et_pb_text][/et_pb_column][/et_pb_row][et_pb_row admin_label="Row" global_module="3581" make_fullwidth="on" use_custom_width="off" width_unit="on" use_custom_gutter="off" padding_mobile="off" allow_player_pause="off" parallax="off" parallax_method="off" make_equal="off" parallax_1="off" parallax_method_1="off" parallax_2="off" parallax_method_2="off" parallax_3="off" parallax_method_3="off" column_padding_mobile="on" custom_padding="25px|25px|25px|25px"][et_pb_column type="1_3"][et_pb_post_slider global_parent="3581" admin_label="Post Slider" posts_number="3" include_categories="7" orderby="rand" show_arrows="on" show_pagination="on" show_more_button="on" more_text="Read Me" content_source="off" use_manual_excerpt="on" show_meta="off" background_image="http://understandinglindsey.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/11/Jan_Erik_Wader.jpg" background_layout="dark" show_image="on" image_placement="background" parallax="on" parallax_method="off" use_bg_overlay="off" bg_overlay_color="rgba(87,90,94,0.59)" use_text_overlay="on" remove_inner_shadow="off" background_position="default" background_size="default" auto="off" auto_ignore_hover="off" hide_content_on_mobile="off" hide_cta_on_mobile="off" show_image_video_mobile="off" meta_letter_spacing="0" custom_button="off" button_letter_spacing="0" button_use_icon="default" button_icon_placement="right" button_on_hover="on" button_letter_spacing_hover="0" body_font_size="20" text_overlay_color="rgba(87,90,94,0.59)"] [/et_pb_post_slider][/et_pb_column][et_pb_column type="1_3"][et_pb_post_slider global_parent="3581" admin_label="Post Slider" posts_number="3" include_categories="8,6" orderby="rand" show_arrows="on" show_pagination="on" show_more_button="on" more_text="Read Me" content_source="off" use_manual_excerpt="on" show_meta="off" background_image="http://understandinglindsey.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/11/Jan_Erik_Wader.jpg" background_layout="dark" show_image="on" image_placement="background" parallax="on" parallax_method="off" use_bg_overlay="off" bg_overlay_color="rgba(217,216,199,0.73)" use_text_overlay="on" remove_inner_shadow="off" background_position="default" background_size="default" auto="off" auto_ignore_hover="off" hide_content_on_mobile="off" hide_cta_on_mobile="off" show_image_video_mobile="off" meta_letter_spacing="0" custom_button="off" button_letter_spacing="0" button_use_icon="default" button_icon_placement="right" button_on_hover="on" button_letter_spacing_hover="0" body_font_size="20" text_overlay_color="rgba(87,90,94,0.59)"] [/et_pb_post_slider][/et_pb_column][et_pb_column type="1_3"][et_pb_post_slider global_parent="3581" admin_label="Post Slider" posts_number="3" include_categories="9" orderby="rand" show_arrows="on" show_pagination="on" show_more_button="on" more_text="Read Me" content_source="off" use_manual_excerpt="on" show_meta="off" background_image="http://understandinglindsey.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/11/Jan_Erik_Wader.jpg" background_layout="dark" show_image="on" image_placement="background" parallax="on" parallax_method="off" use_bg_overlay="off" bg_overlay_color="rgba(217,216,199,0.73)" use_text_overlay="on" remove_inner_shadow="off" background_position="default" background_size="default" auto="off" auto_ignore_hover="off" hide_content_on_mobile="off" hide_cta_on_mobile="off" show_image_video_mobile="off" meta_letter_spacing="0" custom_button="off" button_letter_spacing="0" button_use_icon="default" button_icon_placement="right" button_on_hover="on" button_letter_spacing_hover="0" body_font_size="20" text_overlay_color="rgba(87,90,94,0.59)"] [/et_pb_post_slider][/et_pb_column][/et_pb_row][/et_pb_section][et_pb_section admin_label="section"][et_pb_row admin_label="row"][/et_pb_row][/et_pb_section]
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Gluten Free Cake Pops That Will Make You Wish You were actually gluten free

These cake pops will definitely be my go-to gluten free treat for future parties, events, and every day occasions... they were a hit!
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Not Your Mama’s Gluten Free Mac & Cheese

The gluten-free life isn't always easy, especially when you're craving some serious comfort food. Like Mac n Cheese. Don't worry, I've got you covered!
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A college girl’s guide to navigating the “C” word.

Just a few things to remember when dealing with cancer of a loved one or friend - my "do's" and "don't" list I learned with my mom.
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I’ll Think Of You Mom, I Promise I Will

[et_pb_section admin_label="Section" fullwidth="on" specialty="off"][et_pb_fullwidth_post_title admin_label="Post_Title" global_module="142" saved_tabs="all" title="on" meta="on" author="off" date="off" categories="off" comments="off" featured_image="on" featured_placement="background" parallax_effect="on" parallax_method="on" text_orientation="center" text_color="light" text_background="on" text_bg_color="rgba(87,90,94,0.59)" module_bg_color="rgba(255,255,255,0)" title_font="Montserrat|||on|" title_font_size="30" title_text_color="#ffffff" title_all_caps="off" meta_font="Lora||||" meta_text_color="#d9d8c7" use_border_color="off" border_color="#ffffff" border_style="solid"] [/et_pb_fullwidth_post_title][/et_pb_section][et_pb_section admin_label="Section" fullwidth="off" specialty="off"][et_pb_row admin_label="Row"][et_pb_column type="1_4"][et_pb_number_counter admin_label="Number Counter" number="18" percent_sign="off" counter_color="#b54c60" background_layout="light" use_border_color="off" border_color="#ffffff" border_style="solid" number_font="Lora||||"] [/et_pb_number_counter][et_pb_divider admin_label="Divider" color="#575a5e" show_divider="on" height="3" divider_style="solid" divider_position="top" hide_on_mobile="on"] [/et_pb_divider][et_pb_text admin_label="Text" background_layout="light" text_orientation="center" header_font="Montserrat|||on|" header_font_size="42px" use_border_color="off" border_color="#ffffff" border_style="solid" text_font="Montserrat|||on|" text_font_size="30"] August 2017 [/et_pb_text][/et_pb_column][et_pb_column type="3_4"][et_pb_text admin_label="Text" background_layout="light" text_orientation="left" use_border_color="off" border_color="#ffffff" border_style="solid"] It might be when we’re driving down the road and we pass a bunch of wild sunflowers growing heartily on the side of the highway. I image they’ll exclaim “mommy look! Sunflowers.” I’ll smile and reply, “yes dear, those are your grandma Lizzie’s favorite.” [/et_pb_text][/et_pb_column][/et_pb_row][et_pb_row admin_label="Row" make_fullwidth="off" use_custom_width="off" width_unit="on" use_custom_gutter="off" padding_mobile="off" disabled="off" disabled_on="on|on|off" allow_player_pause="off" parallax="off" parallax_method="off" make_equal="off" parallax_1="off" parallax_method_1="off" parallax_2="off" parallax_method_2="off" parallax_3="off" parallax_method_3="off" column_padding_mobile="on"][et_pb_column type="1_3"][et_pb_image admin_label="Image" src="http://understandinglindsey.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/08/21.jpg" show_in_lightbox="off" url_new_window="off" use_overlay="off" animation="left" sticky="off" align="center" force_fullwidth="off" always_center_on_mobile="on" use_border_color="off" border_color="#ffffff" border_style="solid"] [/et_pb_image][/et_pb_column][et_pb_column type="1_3"][et_pb_image admin_label="Image" src="http://understandinglindsey.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/08/5.5.jpg" show_in_lightbox="off" url_new_window="off" use_overlay="off" animation="left" sticky="off" align="center" force_fullwidth="off" always_center_on_mobile="on" use_border_color="off" border_color="#ffffff" border_style="solid"] [/et_pb_image][/et_pb_column][et_pb_column type="1_3"][et_pb_image admin_label="Image" src="http://understandinglindsey.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/08/47.jpg" show_in_lightbox="off" url_new_window="off" use_overlay="off" animation="left" sticky="off" align="center" force_fullwidth="off" always_center_on_mobile="on" use_border_color="off" border_color="#ffffff" border_style="solid"] [/et_pb_image][/et_pb_column][/et_pb_row][et_pb_row admin_label="Row"][et_pb_column type="4_4"][et_pb_text admin_label="Text" background_layout="light" text_orientation="left" use_border_color="off" border_color="#ffffff" border_style="solid"] It might be when I’m up all night with a sick child, and I hear your voice in my head ‘try this’ ‘better not do that’ and ‘yes, they are definitely going to puke, grab the big bowl.’ I’ll tell them about you mom, I promise I will. I’ll tell them about the cute way you would crinkle your nostrils to wiggle your glasses that much higher on the bridge of your nose. We’ll laugh about the way you never could quite get those R’s to trill off your tongue, all thanks to a tricycle accident with those unforgiving stairs. When I’m getting ready for that first baby, and scared to my wit’s end, I’ll think of you mom. I’ll listen for your words of advice to pop into my head, as they always seem to do just in the nick of time. I’ll think of you in heaven, holding my babies for me while I get ready to do the same. Helping to prepare those sweet, innocent spirits for a world that won’t deserve them. I’ll think of you mom, I promise, I will. I’m sure I’ll have a daughter who likes to sew, and we’ll pull out your old sewing machine just for her. I’ll guide her hands along, just like you did mine, explaining that the needle will in fact bite you. We’ll talk about the time you found that lesson out, the painful way. I’ll patiently remind her not to take the easy way out, and to always match and pin the corners. Maybe I’ll have a son that I won’t have absolutely any idea what to do with. Scratch that, when I have a son I will have absolutely no idea what to do with, I’ll see your smile in my mind and know you’re one of the few things left keeping my patience in check. I’ll listen to your words then, mom, I promise I will. When the air goes crisp and fruit becomes ripe, we’ll talk about all the different things you used to can. I’ll stand in the kitchen, my kiddos in tow, stirring the endless amounts of jam and salsa. We’ll talk about the time we were canning salsa and I threw the biggest fit, swearing you were trying to kill me via the stench of boiled tomatoes. I’ll hear your words “Lindsey, you are going to be just fine. Just peel the skin off the tomatoes.” I’ll listen to you then mom, I promise I will. Maybe it will be when a child of mine packs a bag and walks to the door exclaiming they are leaving for grandpa’s house. I’ll remember the time I did the very same thing, bound for Grandma Snyder’s. I’ll think of you then mom, as I lovingly take them in my arms, just like you did me, and hold them while we work out whatever fiasco caused the sudden eviction of their childhood room. On summer nights when the weather is cool, I’ll rock them on my front porch swing and think of you, remembering the days we used to snuggle on your front porch too. We’ll talk about their lives and I’ll stroke their hair and listen, and I’ll think of you mom, I promise I will. It might be in the way their eyes light up on that fateful November day they finally play Christmas music on the radio. I image my child exclaiming ‘oh mom, it’s finally playing’ and we’ll crank it up and sing our hearts out to ‘Mary Did You Know?’. I’ll tell them how you used to drive me to school and every morning we would anxiously check to see if they were finally playing Christmas music. I’ll think of you then mom and I’ll smile, I promise I will. It’s bound to happen when I’m crocheting some afghan for one child or the other. I’ll explain the stitching multiple times, and patiently show them how it all comes together. I’ll watch their eyes focus in on the tangles of yarn, the wheels in their heads already turning. I’ll think of you then mom, I promise, I will. You see you’ll always be my leading lady mom, and I’ll need you still. Your watchful gaze from your angel wings, your words of warning carried across the wind, the warm embrace that seems to come from invisible arms, just when I feel I can’t take another step. I’ve got a whole life ahead of me mom, one I think will be quite the adventure. When I see your smile, the twinkle in your eyes, and hear your sweet laugh as the memories fly by, I’ll think of you then. I’ll think of you then, mom, like I always do now. I’ll smile mom, I promise I will. [/et_pb_text][/et_pb_column][/et_pb_row][et_pb_row admin_label="Row" global_module="3581" make_fullwidth="on" use_custom_width="off" width_unit="on" use_custom_gutter="off" padding_mobile="off" allow_player_pause="off" parallax="off" parallax_method="off" make_equal="off" parallax_1="off" parallax_method_1="off" parallax_2="off" parallax_method_2="off" parallax_3="off" parallax_method_3="off" column_padding_mobile="on" custom_padding="25px|25px|25px|25px"][et_pb_column type="1_3"][et_pb_post_slider global_parent="3581" admin_label="Post Slider" posts_number="3" include_categories="7" orderby="rand" show_arrows="on" show_pagination="on" show_more_button="on" more_text="Read Me" content_source="off" use_manual_excerpt="on" show_meta="off" background_image="http://understandinglindsey.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/11/Jan_Erik_Wader.jpg" background_layout="dark" show_image="on" image_placement="background" parallax="on" parallax_method="off" use_bg_overlay="off" bg_overlay_color="rgba(87,90,94,0.59)" use_text_overlay="on" remove_inner_shadow="off" background_position="default" background_size="default" auto="off" auto_ignore_hover="off" hide_content_on_mobile="off" hide_cta_on_mobile="off" show_image_video_mobile="off" meta_letter_spacing="0" custom_button="off" button_letter_spacing="0" button_use_icon="default" button_icon_placement="right" button_on_hover="on" button_letter_spacing_hover="0" body_font_size="20" text_overlay_color="rgba(87,90,94,0.59)"] [/et_pb_post_slider][/et_pb_column][et_pb_column type="1_3"][et_pb_post_slider global_parent="3581" admin_label="Post Slider" posts_number="3" include_categories="8,6" orderby="rand" show_arrows="on" show_pagination="on" show_more_button="on" more_text="Read Me" content_source="off" use_manual_excerpt="on" show_meta="off" background_image="http://understandinglindsey.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/11/Jan_Erik_Wader.jpg" background_layout="dark" show_image="on" image_placement="background" parallax="on" parallax_method="off" use_bg_overlay="off" bg_overlay_color="rgba(217,216,199,0.73)" use_text_overlay="on" remove_inner_shadow="off" background_position="default" background_size="default" auto="off" auto_ignore_hover="off" hide_content_on_mobile="off" hide_cta_on_mobile="off" show_image_video_mobile="off" meta_letter_spacing="0" custom_button="off" button_letter_spacing="0" button_use_icon="default" button_icon_placement="right" button_on_hover="on" button_letter_spacing_hover="0" body_font_size="20" text_overlay_color="rgba(87,90,94,0.59)"] [/et_pb_post_slider][/et_pb_column][et_pb_column type="1_3"][et_pb_post_slider global_parent="3581" admin_label="Post Slider" posts_number="3" include_categories="9" orderby="rand" show_arrows="on" show_pagination="on" show_more_button="on" more_text="Read Me" content_source="off" use_manual_excerpt="on" show_meta="off" background_image="http://understandinglindsey.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/11/Jan_Erik_Wader.jpg" background_layout="dark" show_image="on" image_placement="background" parallax="on" parallax_method="off" use_bg_overlay="off" bg_overlay_color="rgba(217,216,199,0.73)" use_text_overlay="on" remove_inner_shadow="off" background_position="default" background_size="default" auto="off" auto_ignore_hover="off" hide_content_on_mobile="off" hide_cta_on_mobile="off" show_image_video_mobile="off" meta_letter_spacing="0" custom_button="off" button_letter_spacing="0" button_use_icon="default" button_icon_placement="right" button_on_hover="on" button_letter_spacing_hover="0" body_font_size="20" text_overlay_color="rgba(87,90,94,0.59)"] [/et_pb_post_slider][/et_pb_column][/et_pb_row][/et_pb_section][et_pb_section admin_label="section"][et_pb_row admin_label="row"][et_pb_column type="4_4"][et_pb_text admin_label="Text"] [/et_pb_text][/et_pb_column][/et_pb_row][/et_pb_section]
Read Me

When you think you’re done, go back one more time.

That first day of my internship, I went to work expecting a situation like my old job. Now that I've established myself and gotten into the swing of things, I love my new job. I'm already learning so much and can't wait for what the future holds.
Read Me