I’m going to start this by explaining I don’t really do resolutions, I do goals. It’s quirky, and has a mile-long explanation (as most things in my world do) that I’ll spare you from for now. So, let’s talk about 2016. 2016 was my year of self-respect. It’s the year I learned to say goodbye to people that weren’t building me up, I learned to say goodbye to parts of me that weren’t serving my greater good, and I learned to say goodbye to situations and relationship that were heavy, debilitating, and dragging me down to a place I didn’t necessarily want to go.
I started 2016 a little rocky. I was heart-broken in more ways than one, lost, confused, terrified, and searching to find a new normal in my “let’s just throw it in the blender and hit puree” world. I made a decision in late December that I wanted 2016 to be the year that I loved myself first. The year I had so much self-respect that anything not serving me, my purpose, or my greater good or the good of God would not be able to stand to be in my presence because I had such a flaming self-respect and love for the person I was and would be becoming in my future. Yeah, it was quite the hefty goal and came complete with Rachel Platten’s Fight Song as its own personal theme song. Moving on.
Was it easy? No. Did I nail it at first? Definitely not. Am I an expert at it now? Most certainly not. I would love to tell you that at that moment I had some alternate universe life transformation where all the energy of the universe combined to protect me and suddenly I had a self-respect of such a level that man had no way to measure it. Sounds pretty good right? But it’s not the truth.
The truth is I had to work at it, every.single.day. I saved hundreds of quotes on my phone, computer, and any scrap piece of paper that would remind me of the worth that I brought to this earth with me. Did you catch that? Brought to this earth with me. Remember, we all brought an immeasurable amount of worth with us to earth simply by being the children of God that we are. Worth is not something you gain on this earth and it’s certainly not something you earn.
I spent a lot of time on my knees, in the temple, and in a church pew pleading with my father in heaven to remind me. Remind me of the worth I felt before I came here, before Satan’s lies were in my head, before I made mistakes, and before worldly trials convinced me otherwise. I made a considerable effort to be nicer to myself and to others. I quit putting so much emphasis on the negative parts of myself I didn’t like, and instead tried to focus on the positive. I kept a gratitude journal. I surrounded myself with positive uplifting people that knew their worth and mine and showed it through their actions and their words. That’s important. Actions always speak louder than words, and people always show you what they think of you with how they treat you.
Never ever ever ever feel bad for letting people go who don’t know your value and respect you for it. Value, self-worth, worth of others, and respect isn’t something that you can teach someone. Those are things that they will have to spend time figuring out for themselves, and they can do that. That’s the beautiful thing about life, we are all here to learn and grow.
So, like I said I worked really hard at this goal and I didn’t really realize how far I had come until I had an experience that shocked me. I had someone tell me once that “you don’t find girls like you every day. You just don’t. You’re nice, you’re intelligent, you’re smart, you’re funny, you’re self-sufficient, you’re pretty, you have a great personality, and you have a great smile. That’s just really hard to come by, and you….you just don’t find girls like you.” And you know what? I didn’t argue. In fact, if I remember right I either said out loud or something along the lines in my head “you’re right. You don’t find girls like me every day.” Now before you roll your eyes and judge me, know I meant that in the most humble way possible.
This past year I’ve really come to know my worth through my Heavenly Father’s eyes, and through my own and it’s really shown. It is so important that you learn to love yourself first, whether you’re single, dating, married, divorced, widowed….whatever, learn to love yourself first. This applies to relationships, from romantic to family, to friends and work. I truly believe that people treat us how we allow them to treat us. Now a little disclaimer, awful things happen to great people that can’t be explained and is in no way that person’s fault. That is not what I’m saying. What I’m saying is we can demand a certain level of respect to ourselves and to others, and people who don’t have that will naturally gravitate away from us. The beautiful part of that is that people who do have that same level of self-respect, love, and compassion will naturally gravitate towards us. That’s just how it works!
This goal is something that I’ve worked on for a year, and I’m certainly nowhere near perfect with it. However I’m a lot better than I used to be and it’s something I’ll continue to work on the rest of my life. Always remember how much you are loved by your father in heaven, by your family on earth and on the other side, and by your true friends. Remember you brought your worth with you to this earth, it is never something you gain here and definitely NOT something you earn. Love yourself enough to demand the respect you deserve and put up with nothing less. Love yourself enough to treat others with the level of respect you would want, and help build them up in a world that is so easy to tear them down. Your worth is something that can’t be measured in this world because it isn’t of this world. It’s eternal, it’s divine, it’s the upmost expression of love and respect, and it’s entirely yours. Never forget that.